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Live, from the CDC in Atlanta!
September 16, 2008 - Tuesday
Posted by Ken
Today the Public Health Symposium on Infertility concludes at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta. I had the privilege of being included at the table among some of the most brilliant minds in the fields of reproductive health. Heady stuff, I know.
Thus far we’ve heard presentations on preventable causes of infertility, the management and treatment of infertility, and the health, economic and healthcare financing implications of infertility. And at the conclusion of the day, leaders of consumer organizations such as The AFA were given an hour and a half to have a conversation - from the perspective of patients and consumers - with those top physicians, researchers and economists.
What impresses me most is the compassion that was palpably evident in the room. The genuine caring and concern that everyone at the table brought to the conversation. And the commitment that that the entire group has to move this conversation forward in a tangible way, so that all of us begin working in a more unified and focused way, avoiding duplication of services, and filling the gaps where they exist.
More to come once I return, but know that all of you, through The AFA’s presence at the conference, are being heard as well.
Best always,
Ken Mosesian
Acting Executive Director
The AFA
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Am I Blue? Coming Out From the Silence
September 10, 2008 - Wednesday
Posted by Corey
Boy, this Honda thing, it has been an amazing experience for my family. I work from home and my kids being kids eavesdrop on every conversation that I have. I remember when they were about four years old my friend Dolores told me that she knew that her daughter was learning about sex from my kids because she was using the correct anatomical names – no peepee in my house. Anyway, my kids are crazy proud of the work that AFA has done around Honda – I know this not because they’ve told me so but because they’re telling all of their friends to read this blog.
So tonight on the subway my daughter shared the most poignant story with me – I felt so great about this – in school (she’s in 8th grade) her class read a short story called “Am I Blue?” It’s about a teenage boy who doesn’t know yet if he’s gay or not. His fairy god mother comes to him (except it’s really a fairy god father dressed in drag) to grant him a wish. The boy wishes that everyone who is gay would turn the color blue – and his father turns blue. And he himself turns a pale shade of blue because he just doesn’t know his heart yet.
Well my heart sang. I thought thank God that the schools (middle school!) are bringing this to kids. Tolerance, acceptance and the ability to tell yourself your own personal truth. What a joy. What a triumph.
There really is hope for a world where we can all love and be who we are. Honda and those who believe in intolerance are losing. I’m proud of The AFA; I’m proud to be a part of this process.
With much love and joy!
Corey Whelan
Director of Development
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How Old is Too Old?
September 2, 2008 - Tuesday
Posted by Corey
I had my twins when I was 39. I’m 53 now, they’re 13, going back to school tomorrow, and driving me crazy. Those of you who know me know my story, that I lost a ton of pcos weight about 8 years ago, that I’m in pretty good physical condition (mental, not sure about, but physical, pretty good). I run 20 miles a week and of course that helps. But when I read about 60 and now even 70 year old women giving birth, all I feel is tired! Yikes.
When is a woman too old to have a baby? When is a man too old to father (and parent!) one? And what is old anyway? And who decides?
Now that egg freezing is becoming more and more successful, do we need to mandate an age limit on when our eggs can be thawed out and carried by us?
Do we need to mandate an age limit on how old a woman utilizing a surrogate can be?
And who decides?
The one thing I do know for sure, about all of these swirling issues, is that it is the well being of the children that is the most important, if not the only, issue at hand.
What do you think?
Best always,
Corey Whelan
Director of Development
The AFA
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Is The AFA pro abortion?
August 28, 2008 - Thursday
Posted by Ken
“Is The AFA pro abortion?” That was the first question posed by one of our long-time supporters who was taken aback by a term that I had recently used: “reproductive choice.”
She’s a thoughtful person, so we were able to have a really good conversation about this topic. I shared with her that from our perspective “reproductive choice” spans all of the options when considering family building. It begins with real, accurate and age-appropriate sex education, including abstinence education and discussions of STD’s, and easy access to low cost or free contraception.
We know from a study done in Denmark and published in 2003 that because the Danes educate their children in this fashion, Danish teenagers, as compared to their American counterparts, engage in sex at a later age and with fewer partners. We also know that teen pregnancies are lower and there are far fewer abortions. Knowledge, it would seem, does equal power.
Beyond this real education and access to contraception, The AFA supports stem cell research, because at this time, it is apparent that stem cell research is the most effective way to create a breakthrough in finding the cures for many diseases and disabilities.
We support the right of all loving people to create a family, including those who are single, gay or lesbian, because we believe that families in all their diverse forms, strengthen society. We also know from the extensive study done by the American Pediatric Association that the children of gay and lesbian parents fare just as well as the children of straight parents. It seems that good parenting is the deciding factor in raising good children! That’s why our website is loaded with useful information about fertility preservation, reproductive health and family building. It’s why we offer a complete range of support services. It’s why we advocate for your rights every day of the week.
We support universal health care, including pre- and post-natal care for all women. We support providing real options for women, especially young girls, who are faced with unwanted pregnancies and need a way out. Access to trained therapists and the “adoption option” are essential for this to work.
We do not support legislation, such as Amendment 48 in Colorado that would ascribe all legal and constitutional rights of personhood to an embryo “at the point of conception.” The effects of the amendment passing would be, among other things, to open the door to government interference in infertility treatments and stem cell research. Similarly, if a woman was diagnosed with cancer while pregnant, she could be denied treatment because it might endanger the fetus. And, perhaps most chillingly, all abortions would be illegal. If a woman was raped or was the victim of incest, there would be no recourse to abortion. If it was determined that the fetus was hopelessly deformed, there would again be no recourse to abortion.
Which brings us back to where we started. No, The AFA is not “pro abortion.” Our hope is that the need and requests for pregnancy terminations become increasingly rare, but always remain safe and legal. So, yes, we do support “reproductive choice” and everything that entails.
The woman who called me concluded our conversation by saying that the topic was bigger than she could get her head around. And indeed it is. But we’re doing our best to make the information accessible and understandable. And ultimately, we’re here to walk with you on your journey, by educating you about your options, helping you to ask the difficult questions, assisting you in making the tough decisions, and finally supporting the choices you make.
Best,
Ken Mosesian
Acting Executive Director
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JCCA - Jewish Child Care Association
August 26, 2008 - Tuesday
Posted by admin
I was 9 years old when I was placed at Pleasantville Cottage School as an “emergency placement.” I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was a Wednesday, I remember, because I was wearing my Assembly Day outfit; a white button-down shirt, a plaid blue-and-red wool skirt, white tights and flat shoes. These were the clothes I would wear for the next two weeks.
My grandmother picked me up at school earlier than was normal that day. I remember thinking that it was strange and found out later that my mother had been notified by Child Welfare that they were coming that day. When my grandmother and I got home we found the Child Welfare people already there with my mother and younger sister. My memory is a bit sketchy but I mostly remember how I felt—scared and confused. It happened so fast. One minute, the Child Welfare lady is asking me questions, and the next, my sister and I are at their Bronx office building. We were there until late that night and then my sister and I were separated. She was placed at St. Christopher’s in Queens and I was placed at Pleasantville Cottage School (PCS). Even though I was only 9 years old, I knew why we were taken away from our mother.
I can almost pinpoint when my life changed. It was the day my mother decided to marry my stepfather. He was a drug addict and though everyone told my mother so, she decided not to believe it. It wasn’t long after they were married that she too became a drug addict, and pregnant. My sister was born mentally challenged and soon after her birth, my mother and stepfather split up.
My mother’s drug addiction ruled our lives. She would sleep all day and I was left to take care of my sister. At night she would leave us for hours to go and get her next fix. Sometimes she would take us with her to Hunts Point drug spots. I preferred being left alone with my sister in our apartment. At least I felt safer.
During that time I didn’t go to school much. It became my responsibility to look after my sister and so at 7 years old, I barely knew how to read or write. The days I did go to school were always filled with trepidation. When my mother was in her drug-induced sleep there was no waking her. After school I was left pounding on the apartment door trying to wake her up and let me in. I always ended up falling asleep outside the apartment door and would be out there at least until 7 pm, when she would wake up and notice I wasn’t there. I don’t know how my sister survived when I wasn’t around. For 2 years I went through this. I guess my neighbors had had enough of seeing me sleeping in front of my door, so that is one of the reasons I was taken away from my mother. Another is because she would go into rages and beat me. Sometimes I would go to school with bruises and a busted lip. It wasn’t too hard to figure out why I was taken away from my mother.
My first two weeks at PCS were spent in respite—wearing the same clothes. After that, I was transferred to Cottage 14 and taken to the maintenance building to get clothes from what was called “The Clothing Room.” My “emergency placement” became a permanent placement that lasted 12 years. My years at PCS offered me consistency and security. Eventually my mother became drug free and I was given the choice to go back to her. I chose to stay at PCS. It wasn’t a decision that I regretted because a few years later my mother went back on drugs. I guess deep down I knew it was going to happen and I wanted to keep the stability I already had.
I graduated from high school and went to college to complete my associate’s degree. After I turned 21 and moved out on my own, I still had the support from people at PCS, which continues to this day. Through their scholarship program, JCCA has given me the opportunity to go back to school to complete my BA. And through the Sokoloff Fund, I am able to continue my therapy work with a doctor at PCS. When I turned 22 my mother passed away. It was the hardest time in my life and having my therapist there to help me through it meant the world to me. I wouldn’t be where I am today if JCCA didn’t offer me these opportunities.
People assume that you can just open an agency and kids will have better lives. Everyone looks at this agency as the answer to problem children and puts the total responsibility on it. But no one knows what it takes to work with troubled teens. There will always be a few out of the many who will make something of themselves. Maybe a few is not considered enough, but in the scheme of things, those few should be looked at as a success beyond the odds. We all have the choice to be what we want to be despite how bad our childhood was. Be proud that the kids who did make it through could not have done it without Pleasantville. I know I wouldn’t have.
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